Dana Shapiro wrote “There’s no such thing as a Noel Coward divorce. You know, that sort of amicable, happy-go-lucky divorce where everybody’s interested in pursuing their own interests and whatever maliciousness there is sort of clever and beautifully executed. It’s not like that at all. I don’t care how much you might have loved the person–halfway through any divorce the only thing you can think of is: I hate this person and I want this person to bleed. You become obsessed. It becomes a matter of absolute survival. Once it’s over, the question is not whether you can recover from the love, or from the loss of love. It’s whether or not you can get over your own hatred.”
What are your thoughts of marriage and relationships right now? Do you need to see a therapist after reading that? Since 2009 I have taught couples that the three basics for the foundation of ANY relationship are Communication, Commitment and Compromise. Couples Coaching and Premarital Coaching, in my opinion, necessary for all first time couples and those who don’t have a number of years of life under their belt.
Communication goes far beyond just talking, and it goes a bit beyond listening AND hearing!
Commitment is more than what you do in good times and bad, it is the strength you have when the times are rough, tough and the odds are stacked against you both. What is your resolve?
Compromise (my favorite!) is not about keeping score (well you had your way the last 3 times…) and it is more than taking turns (well you had your way last time.) It is about TRULY understanding why the other person has the view, emotions and thoughts that they do about the topic at hand. Perhaps there is a chance to break the habit of having to compromise if one or both of you can change what leads you to this issue in the first place!
Love is something that is to be given freely. When you focus on loving someone else as hard, as much and you give it 100%, it WILL be returned to you. When your focus is what is being or not being done for you… you have no time to truly share love and the other person lacks what they need from you… YOUR LOVE!
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” -Dr. Seuss
We can be the change we seek in this world, and in ourselves.
One day. One journey. One person, at a time.
May peace, love and compassion be with you-and from you!
Rev. Royal D. Bush is the founder of Inclusive Life, where he serves as a multifaith Chaplain. He shares this message to all: “You are beautiful, you are loved and you are worthy, just the way you are.” He holds a Bachelor Degree in business administration. He studied at Andersonville Theological Seminary. He holds a current certificate of spiritual counseling with the International Institute of Faith Based Counseling and is a member of Spiritual Directors International. He actively volunteers and remains active in many social justice issues.
ABOUT INCLUSIVE LIFE…
Inclusive Life has been offering Pastoral Services to those in Iowa and Nebraska since 2009. We are a Nebraska, Nonprofit, Independent-Multifaith Community. Religious. Nonreligious. Spiritual. We serve all without exception. We offer Pastoral Care, Officiate Weddings, Prepare End of Life Documents, provide hospital visits, perform: Baptisms, naming ceremonies, blessings, dedications, and Officiate Funerals.
105 S. 49th Street Omaha, NE 68132